The Return of the Phonebook

Greetings all!

I know it's been some time since I posted, and I apologize. I've been immensely busy recently, and pretty much forgot about the phonebook shenanigans. But alas! I had a recent encounter that allowed me to successfully bring it back.

The dirty, smelly, disgusting hoarders I have the pleasure of calling my neighbors are back at it again. Unfortunately I was unable to photograph the wall of trash bags next to their door for the last two days. My plan was to take one today, but it magically found its way to the trash. I say magically because we all know damn well that it wasn't them that took it there. So I thought to myself "Self, what a perfect time to put the phonebook to work again!"

"Good idea Self!"
"Let's do it!"

So tonight, I carried out with the following:

Friends, you ask? Why yes!

I'll most likely have to climb over them in the morning, but I'm sure it'll be worth it. Stay tuned to see what happens next. And as always, share and tell your friends!

Until next time...

So Close Yet So Far

Well folks, we've made a bit more progress this evening. After cleaning the kitchen after dinner (that's right, I'm a 25 year old living by himself that cooks AND cleans), I gathered up the trash and headed to the dumpster. To my surprise, I discovered my old friend nearby:

This is as close as the phonebook has ever been to its destiny. To its home. To its rightful place in the world. There's just one ever so minor problem - IT'S STILL NOT IN THE FUCKING DUMPSTER. These people are the Honey-Boo-Boos of the Midwest. They just. Don't. Get it. After a week of me toying with them, being a giant ass to them, blatantly and sarcastically pounding it in their thick skulls that they're lazy slobs, they still can't hurl the thing an additional 24 inches into that big hole in the side of the metal box. No, they simply just drop it on the ground and hope someone else will do the shit for them. Never in my wildest dreams did I think a phonebook would irk me so much. If it were up to me, and the local authorities didn't frown upon it, I would blast this thing into a pile of confetti.

So what's next? I can't let it end here. I have to keep going. The phonebook is safe and sound in my possession. Also remember I now have two. I have a few thoughts, but as of right now I'm undecided. Help me think of what to do next. Comment with your ideas. I can't give up now. I need your help. Don't let me down! Also don't forget to share. Until next time...

Hai!

It's following them. You can tell by the condition of their car that they really take care of their stuff...

Monday Night Surprise

Hey there sports fans! I took the weekend off from tormenting my neighbors, and hopefully the phonebook has slipped their minds. It's back though, and ready to piss some people off again. It also has a new friend! My lovely sister is a big fan of the page and gave me this for my birthday in case I need a backup:

I'll be putting the phonebook in an ALL NEW spot later on tonight, with a new note on it too:

Check back later on tonight to see where it's dropped this time. Don't forget to share! Stay thirsty my friends.

Early Morning Visitor

Not a good way to start my morning. Time to get creative...

Don't Rush When Being a Dick

Greetings bored people,

I apologize for not updating last night. In my rush to get out the door and to the lady-friend's for the evening, I completely forgot to be the daily dickhead to my neighbors. But fear not! I made sure to do so as soon as I got home from work today. Lettero numero dos:

And in its rightful place:

I'll update as soon as I get a response. Or the phonebook moves again. Or I get shot. We'll see. Check back soon! Stay thirsty my friends.

Last night, while reveling in the glory of my clever and witty letter, I check outside to see if the phonebook is still there. Alas, it's finally gone! I'm filled with excitement, while at the same time slightly disappointed that the situation didn't escalate.

I slept like a baby last night knowing that I was victorious. I woke up energized, ready to start my day. I ran outside to start my car and let it warm up. I stopped dead in my tracks, at the entrance to the building. There it was. Like the creepy clown toy that magically reappears every time you throw it away. It stared at me. Taunted me. My new mortal enemy.

A passive-aggressive slap in the face. A declaration of sorts. They're going to stand their ground. Although it's a bit closer to the dumpster now, I won't rest until it's IN the dumpster. My next move has been planned carefully. Execution will take place by tonight's end. Stay posted. Check back often. Tell your friends. Help me gain support in the war I wage against the Yellow Pages. So long for now.